I stopped being vegan four years ago and the internet is still yelling at me
I stopped being vegan in 2017.
I wrote a blog post about it in 2019.
And in 2021, people are still really, really heated over it. You can read the original post here.
After a solid year and a half of internet trolling, I felt compelled to share an update on the post. The update is also included for your viewing pleasure below.
When I first published this blog post in December of 2019 I was terrified.
So terrified, in fact, that I held on to it for over two years. That terror stemmed from the wrath I knew I would get from the vegan community. This wasn’t exactly in my head, either. The first time that I posted a photo to Instagram with a photo of a fried egg, I was immediately ripped into by a follower who wouldn’t let up. They methodically went through years of posts, leaving pointed nasty comments along the way. Then she blocked me. As somebody who has actively chosen to have a social media presence, and to share a bevy of personal information and anecdotes, I expected this. When you willingly show up online you knowingly sign up for a level of trolling. Because of how search engines work, blog posts are much more visible long-term than social media posts. I knew what I was getting myself into. That’s why I waited so goddamn long. Partially, to process my own relationship with food, and partially to prepare myself for the trolls to come.
When I published this post in 2019 I knew that there would be some trolling, but even my anxious millennial mind underestimated how much there would be. Strangers have been really, really invested in my breakup with veganism. Aggressively so. This is my most read blog post to date by a long shot. I’m still not sure how it has gained so much traction around the interweb but, based on the traffic trends and waves of ferocious comments and messages, I have an inkling that it’s getting shared in certain circles with instructions to rip into me. Ironically, the reason that I waited so long to stop being vegan (and to get help for the eating disorder that it sparked), was for fear of backlash or abuse from sections of the vegan community. Each angry comment, rambling email, or nasty DM only confirms that my fears were valid. It makes me incredibly sad. Sad for myself, sure, but mainly sad because I do still very strongly believe that there are so many good things about being vegan. There are so many wonderful people in the vegan community. So many people have had and will have incredible experiences exploring the many layers of what it means to be vegan.
So why the update?
Since so many people are still reading this post and sending me angry messages (I turned commenting off on this post AND deleted them all), I wanted to stand up for myself. When people come to your personal blog/the website for your business and start ALL CAPS TYPING at you, it feels a lot like somebody has shown up on your doorstep screaming. It’s exhausting and invasive. The majority of the people that come here are clearly trolls (and likely won’t be swayed by anything I have to say), but I still feel strongly about articulating myself. For better or for worse, I am not the kind of person that can let this shit go without saying something.
I stand behind my belief that every goddamn human deserves to do what makes their body feel the best. Full stop. I am so ridiculously passionate about this belief that I turned it into a career. I’ve spent a decade taking complex courses, collecting certifications, and putting in thousands of hours with my holistic health and fitness coaching clients. I’m not saying this to imply superiority, but instead to demonstrate my personal experience and knowledge. But really, none of this matters. My decision to stop being vegan was a personal choice. I did what was best for me at the time. It changed my life in beautiful, positive, liberating ways. Removing the label and structure around my diet gave me back my mental health. By removing the constant stress I felt around food and learning how to properly listen to and nourish my body, I was also able to vastly lessen the intensity of my Interstitial Cystitis, a chronic pain condition for which there is currently no cure.
One comment that I found particularly fragmentary was that I wasn’t vegan for the “right reasons” (is this The Bachelor now?) and that my blog post was too “me” focused. I think that it’s important to break this down.
There are dozens, if not hundreds, of reasons that somebody might go vegan. Reasons include (but are obviously not limited to): a passion for animal welfare and rights, concern for the sustainability of our food production, a desire to lower cholesterol, blood pressure, and many other measurements of health, religious/spiritual beliefs, food sensitivities, social pressure, wanting to optimize athletic performance, wanting to “clean” up personal nutrition, and beyond. It is impossible for any single vegan, no matter how dedicated or educated, to embody all of those reasons all of the time. Each experience is unique, individual, and deeply personal. This particular commenter went on to tell me that my reason for being vegan was selfish, that it wasn’t valid since I wasn’t doing it for the animals, that I was self-centered. I chose to go vegan after my mom died from cancer. I was heartbroken, I was grasping at veganism and other wellness tools to calm my grief and anxiety. On a very high level, there is no right or wrong way to experience grief. On a much deeper level, how dare you tell a child (psychologically, losing a parent at 20 years old is still considered childhood trauma) that her response is not “right”. Being vegan because you want to lower your cholesterol, for example, is just as valid as going vegan because you believe in animal rights. Thousands of people will visit Seattle this year. No matter what brought them here, they all still ended up in the same place. Their presence here is equally valid. They’ve all made it to the same destination.
In regards to the comment that my blog post was too “me” focused… yes? This is my personal blog? I don’t claim to be an investigative journalist. One of the overarching purposes of Donuts + Down Dog is to share my honest and unfiltered experiences within the wellness world to empower my readers to do make the best choices for themselves. To inspire them to also fearlessly claim their own experiences. There is so much bullshit in the wellness world. There is so much dishonesty. There are so many topics that society has deemed inappropriate or taboo that are really just… universal human experiences. The majority of my content has a personal spin to it. All of my work as a holistic health and fitness coach was inspired by my own experiences. You don’t have to like reading my blog posts. But you also can’t come to my personal blog and then yell at me for writing personal anecdotes.
This is the first (and only) blog post that I’ve ever turned off commenting on. I got comments ranging from you made the wrong choice to comments that were straight-up verbally abusive. I felt unsafe in my own corner of the internet for honestly expressing my personal experience. Abuse is not, and will not ever be, tolerated in the Donuts + Down Dog community - online or in-person. This is not up for debate or discussion. If I feel unsafe, if I feel that my clients might be made to feel unsafe and/or triggered, I reserve the right to delete comments, block followers, and remove any content at any time. After all, this is my website. This is my personal blog. This is my space. I work intentionally every day to create a space where women can come without feeling judged, unsafe, pressured, or bad about themselves. I do this work because I fiercely want to advocate for women to have that experience in wellness.
My last thought - you are not allowed to invalidate or gaslight my experience. Or the experience of anybody else. Personal experiences, no matter if you agree or disagree with them, are personal. For me, my seven years as a vegan and active member of the vegan community began to trigger a deeply, deeply painful, and troubling eating disorder. At that moment I chose to prioritize my mental health above the passion of the vegan community, above the identity of vegan I had embodied for almost a decade, and above so many other things. I will never, ever shame somebody for prioritizing their mental health. I hope that you don’t either.
In summary: don’t be a dick.
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