#GIRAFFEWATCH is Taking Over My Life

You guys, I need to tell you something.

I realize that the post that follows has pretty much nothing to do with either fitness or food, but it is important that I, as a blogger you trust, come clean with you about a dark path I've gone down in recent weeks. I have developed a sick obsession, a nasty habit, and it's something that I'm not proud of. 

I am 100% obsessed with the pregnant giraffe.

In case you haven't been on the internet recently, a giraffe at the Animal Adventure Park in New York is pregnant and they've been live streaming it for all of us to watch. Now, I realize this sounds adorable and sweet and all that jazz, but they have been live-streaming this shit since at least the end of February. I have been fully invested in the state of this damn giraffe labor since February 23rd and I am losing sleep over it.

I know what you're thinking: wow, Lizzie, I've never heard of this giraffe! WELL HERE YOU GO, FRIENDS. I'M TAKING YOU DOWN WITH ME:

It all began innocently enough. Before we left for Vegas, I stayed at a girlfriends apartment in Portland. We had an early flight the next day which always means I won't sleep, so I started playing with my phone. The internet is a weird place in the middle of the night, and I stumbled across a livestream of a giraffe in labor. I immediately became addicted. I had to know everything. How long are giraffes pregnant for? Oh wait, they are pregnant literally forever. I became increasingly concerned about her feeding schedule. What does she eat? When? Also there were conflicting reports about the name of the giraffe that basically sent me into an emotional breakdown. Is her name April? Is it Donna? Donna is a much more hilarious name for a famously-pregnant giraffe, but I guess April is OK too. I just feel like Donna has some years behind her and won't take any shit, you know?

I am way too invested in this.

If that wasn't enough, the comment section of these videos has provided enough good reading for me to never need to purchase a book ever again. I mean, who know there were so many self-proclaimed giraffe experts just out there in the world, walking among us? Also, a startlingly large amount of grandmas get in fights in the comment section on said giraffe video, and I cannot look away. It is truly the gift that keeps on giving. When I wake up in the middle of the night now, instead of popping a melatonin and going back to bed, I quickly roll over to see how my favorite giraffe and her internet fan club are doing. These are my people.

Donna/April, if you are out there, I hope that you give birth soon because I need to fucking sleep and also because I am sure your giraffe spawn is going to be really cute.

Send help,

Lizzie BraicksComment