The Wedding Diet

I am currently balls deep in wedding planning. This time next year I will have a husband which makes total sense, but also sometimes really blows my mind. Life is weird, dudes. 

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Overall, being engaged is a very surreal experience. It's odd to make decisions about THE BIG DAY, it's crazy to think that you have chosen another being to be with for literally ever, and you start to realize how kooky this whole gettin' hitched thing really is. LOTS of opinions come out, you suddenly realize how strong your opinion on salad dressings are, and people ask a lot of questions. Basically my whole life is people asking me questions now. You can find me buried under a pile of questions. Swimming in a sea of questions. I have basically became a question mark at this point.

The most infuriating question of all is- what's your wedding diet?

To be fair, I get it. It's pretty much expected in our culture that the bride will go through some insane mating rituals (crazy diets, exercise insanity) to appropriately lure the male into the clutches of her vagina forever. Honestly, I'm pretty sure we watched a movie about it in 6th grade health class. Crazy body expectations and weddings just go hand in hand, the same way that weddings and spending disgusting amounts of money are interconnected. It's just expected at this point. It's not our fault. This was brought upon us!

Also, I work in the fitness industry. It makes sense. I'm pretty passionate about my veganism, so I totally don't blame the masses for emailing about my wedding diet tips and tricks. I would be totally lying to you if I said I hadn't considered cleansing, crash dieting, or spending the next 200ish days on an elliptical in the name of a smaller dress size. But then, I came to a pretty great realization.

Conveniently, when Dan proposed he didn't also ask me to lose 30 pounds and get swole. I know, I'm so lucky. It's totally weird, you guys. It's almost like he loves me just the way that I am. Dan loves me even though I snore, even though he has been present when I pooped my pants after getting food poisoning, and he loves me even though I hate golf. I hate golf so much. He also loves me even though I don't look like a supermodel. This is, like, so totally chill of him. What a guy.

I suppose my point here is- wedding diets are bullshit. They were designed to make you cry about your beautiful body. They were designed to make you forget that the guy or gal who just asked you to marry them loves you more than anybody else they have ever met in their entire existence. Planning a wedding is stressful enough, guys. I have some pretty big decisions to make in terms of what donuts we are going to have instead of cake. I don't have time to worry about being able to know that the tag on my dress that nobody will see except for me is a small number. I have donuts to worry about! Leave me alone!

Personally I have always preferred lifestyle changes to diets. Diets suggest some kind of impermanence and also (in general) sound pretty lame. Diets imply deprivation, starvation, and discomfort. Diets don't really hang around for that long. Lifestyle changes are more long-term, like getting more sleep or being vegan. Lifestyle changes are more manageable and usually have an important goal like I love myself so I am going to eat more green shit to lower my cholesterol or I will go to bed earlier so I don't feel like beating my coworkers every day. Diets say more like I want to starve myself until Vegas or I hate my body so I am going to treat it like shit in the hopes that this will make me love it. Think about that for a second. I'll wait.

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Phew. Now that I've let that out I should add that there is absolutely nothing wrong wiith getting fit for your wedding. Or just in general. There is nothing wrong with deciding that you want to tone up, slim down, or look a different reason. I just died my hair pink, so I'm not really one to shame you on extreme body transformations. I've recently gotten really into carb-cycling and doing HIIT workouts when I wake up which has slimmed me down a lot, but it's because they both feel really good right now. I also stopped having beer for dinner which is the DIET OF THE CENTURY I WISH I HAD KNOWN ABOUT THIS SOONER. You wanna make a big lifestyle change? You want to revamp your fitness routine? Hell to the yes, dudette. You go, Glen Coco. Do it! But do it because you want to and because it feels good. 

Recently I asked one of my students if she had any wedding advice for me. She's been married forlikeever to her hubby and they seem super happy. She told me I wish I hadn't worried so much about how I looked in that damn dress. In the end it doesn't even matter!  YES QUEEN. 

Go eat all the donuts. ALL. OF. THE. DONUTS.





Lizzie Braicks1 Comment